New York Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Clement Law Firm : Family Law Serving Manhattan, Westchester County, Brooklyn, Queens, Bronx, New York City

In an interesting piece on the Huffington Post, Stacy Schneider opines that Rudy Giuliani’s “Nasty Divorce” reveals why he may be unfit to be president. Politics aside, the former mayor’s divorce is a primer on what not to do during a divorce.

The divorce was a vicious, go-for-the-jugular, corrosive slugfest, with Rudy seemingly pulling the sharpest punches of the pair. His ongoing public display of his mistress's affections was certainly unbecoming of an elected official. But watching an uncaring father of two young children consistently display his contempt for his own family on the television news was both shocking and heartbreaking.

Schneider highlights the mistakes made by Giuliani, to which I add my thoughts.

• Rudy publicly humiliates his wife by announcing his divorce plans to the media, before privately informing her and their children. He then openly admitted having a romance with Judy Nathan, now his third wife, while he was still married.

Is it no surprise that Rudy is estranged from his children? When asked how I tell my children that I am getting divorced, I doubt anyone would suggest holding a press conference. The children should have been privately told that their parents were divorcing.

• Next the mayor's attorney, famed celebrity divorce lawyer, Raoul Felder viciously attacked Donna Hanover with Rudy's approval, publicly describing her as "howling like a stuck pig."

There really is no place for name calling or finger pointing. This child- like behavior may sell newspapers, but, it only adds to the animosity, without any tangible or economic benefit.

• Further, it seemed to be a big priority of Rudy's to maintain his own comfort in carrying on his liaison with Judy Nathan at the expense of his children. This was evident when a judge barred her from continuing her frequent visits to the mayor's mansion, ostensibly because of its effect on the children, who were living there with their mother. At one point during divorce proceedings, Rudy was denied joint custody of his son because he insisted on having Judy present during the children's overnight visits at his home.

This is a clear case of not acting in the best interests of the children. Giuliani put his desire to be with his girlfriend over and above the needs of the children. The Mayor would have been better advised to spend alone time with his children to re-establish their bonds.

I can only imagine the loss of trust and sense of betrayal his children felt after learning that their father left their mother for another woman. The feelings had to be transformed to frustration and anger when the children, while visiting their father, were forced to spend time with his new girlfriend.

Since we learn from our leaders, Giuliani’s divorce is a case book example of how to alienate your children as part of a divorce. This is a lesson not to be followed.

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I just wanted to announce the debut of the new and much improved Clementlaw web-site.

The Practice Areas part of the site provides some useful and practical information about divorce, separation, child custody, equitable distribution, the different types of marital agreements and other areas under the broad umbrella of family law practice.

You are invited to explore. I would love to hear your comments as to its user friendliness and readability.

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Darn Divorce provides some insightful tips on how to help children cope with divorce.

1. Tell children the truth in simple terms with simple explanations. Tell them where their other parent has gone.
2. Reassure them that they will continue to be taken care of and that they will be safe and secure.
3. Your children will see that parents can stop loving each other. Reassure them that a parent’s love for a child is a special kind that never stops.
4. Spend time with each child individually. Whether you have custody or visitation, the most important thing to the child is your individual relationship with him or her. Build the best relationship you can. The future is built of many tiny moments.
5. Children feel responsible for causing the divorce. Reassure them that they are not to blame. They may also feel that it is their responsibility to bring their parents back together. Let them know your decision is final and will have to be accepted.
6. Divorcing parents often feel guilty and become overindulgent. Give your child love, but also give limits.
7. Your child is still a child and can’t become the man of the house or a little mother. Continue to be the parent to your child. Seek other adults to fill your own need for companionship.
8. Avoid situations that place a child in the impossible position of choosing between parents:
* Don’t use your child as a way to get back at your spouse. Children can be terribly wounded this way.
* Don’t say bad things about the other parent in hearing of a child.
* Don’t say or do anything that might discourage the child from spending time with the other parent.
* Don’t encourage a child to take sides.
9. You and your former spouse will continue to be the parents of your children for life. Pledge to cooperate responsibly toward the growth and development of your children as an expression of your mutual love for them.
10. Be patient and understanding with your children. Be patient and understanding with yourself.
Even though it may be the last thing you feel like doing, cooperating with your spouse during your divorce is one of the best things you can do for your children. They learn that conflicts can be resolved eventually, which is a valuable lesson.

It is important to remember, that the children are the “victims of divorce.” In most cases, they should be allowed, and, in fact, encouraged to maintain a relationship with both parents

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