New York Divorce Report - New York's Divorce and Family Law Blog

Pamela Paul, in her New York Times article, The Un-Divorced, discusses the trend of couples separating, but not divorcing.   The primary reasons that parties remain married, but separated are the practical and financial, not familial. The effect of endless separations on the children rarely seems a priority. Perhaps the principle reason couples remain legally wed is to maintain or continue health care coverage.    When a couple divorces, the ex-spouse is no longer to eligible to be covered through the other’s medical coverage.   The former spouse either may maintain the existing policy under COBRA or purchase a policy on his/her own. ... More

Couples who refer to themselves as 'we' are happier than those who say 'I', 'me' or 'you.” The study conducted at the University of California at Berkley, found a link between the use of pronouns and marital happiness. According to the study, reported in the Daily News and in the Domestic Diversions blog, middle-aged and older couples who used words like “we” and “us” when discussing their marital disagreements experienced less stress than those couple who used the words “I” “me” and “you.” Not surprisingly, more older couples than middle aged ones identified themselves as “we;” shared life experiences, birth,... More

Nothing says I hate your spouse better than a gift certificate to consult with a divorce attorney. Bruce Carton in the Law Blog Watch, reports that one London law firm, Lloyd Platt & Company, is offering a gift voucher that entitles the bearer to a consultation with a divorce lawyer. The consultation touches upon "all the practical options available to them -- divorce being only one of the options.” While this is an ingenious marketing ploy, I can only imagine the fireworks at the family gathering when this gift is eventually opened. At a minimum, it will make for a... More

The success or lack of success of a marriage is apparently now statistically predictable. Since is it predictable, it may soon be possible to insure a marriage against divorce. MyNewMarkets.com reports that J. Christopher Westland, a professor of information and decision sciences, at the University of Illinois at Chicago, through an analysis of census data, has identified several factors that influence the likelihood of divorce. According to Professor Westland, the factors that put a marriage at risk include: “Age (younger is riskier); race (Asian is the lowest risk); whether a woman had forced premarital sex (a woman who has been... More

There has been much ado, of late, about how text messages are the new lipstick stain on the collar-the telltale sign of an adulterous relationship. Indeed, both  Laura Holson in the  New York Times and David Wright on  Nightline did stories about this phenomenon, which has recently brought down Tiger Woods, Mayor Khame Kilpatrick of Detroit and Senator John Ensign. For some reason, people feel immune when embracing a new technology – they feel that their use of it for illicit conduct will not be discovered. Texting a lover on a portable device that may be left on your night-table... More

The holidays can be one of the most stressful times.  There are financial and familial demands.  The stress and pressure can become unbearable and lead to depression.   The Mayo Clinic offers ten tips into dealing with holiday stress.  1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. 2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek... More

Because New York remains the only state in the country that does not provide for a no-fault divorce, creative lawyers have been forced to “push the envelope” to develop theories using the statutorily recognized grounds of divorce-abandonment, adultery, cruel and inhuman treatment, imprisonment, and constructive abandonment. In one recent case, the wife alleged that she had been “socially abandoned” by her husband. In Davis v. Davis, the wife of 41 years claimed that her husband: . . .refused to engage in social interaction with the wife by refusing to celebrate with her or acknowledge Valentine's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the... More

  A recent study found that women who were told they had a serious illness were seven times as likely to become separated or divorced as men with similar health problems.   Tara Parker-Pope reports in the Well Blog that: When the man became ill, only 3 percent experienced the end of a marriage. But among women, about 21 percent ended up separated or divorced. Among couples who split up, divorce occurred, on average, about six months after the diagnosis, although there was wide variability in the timing. It seems that men run away when health issues arise affecting... More

I have long felt that since money and money issues are the leading cause of divorce, the economic health of a marriage is a good barometer of the overall health of marriage. Ron Lieber, in his “Your Money” column in the New York Times identifies five, often unanticipated, economic stressors capable of destroying even the strongest of marriages. Often, the tensions brought on by financial issues have been exacerbated by a failure of communication. The parties may be foreclosed from solutions that may have been available if both the husband and the wife were “in the loop” and working together... More

As difficult as divorce is for the parties, it is far more traumatic for the children. When parents divorce, every aspect of the children’s life is up-ended as they watch their parents prepare to go to war against each other. Children, who should enjoy the unconditional love and affection of both parents, may be drawn into the battle as their loyalty is tested. A showing or expression of affection for one parent could be taken as a sign of betrayal to the other. Children must stagger through an emotional minefield while their parents battle. Although it seems like common... More

Not all lies are equal or bad, so says Elizabeth Bernstein in the Wall Street Journal. No one would ever claim that lies about infidelity would be acceptable. But, as Ms. Bernstein urges, “the fibs and feints and little white lies that serve as a social salve and help a relationship run smoothly.” Some of the acceptable reasons, to fib, she argues, include- “to avoid conflict, to gain approval, to save face or just to be kind.” Every man learns, for instance, that the answer to the question “does this outfit make me look fat” is an emphatic “No!” Perhaps... More

Yesterday, the Court of Appeals, New York’s highest court took on the issue of gay marriage.  One of the issues to be decided was whether to continue to recognize same sex marriages legally performed in other jurisdictions. As previously discussed,  New York presently  recognizes, as valid, marriages performed in Canada, Massachusetts, Vermont and the other jurisdictions that permit gay marriage. The Court could decline to recognize foreign marriages and await legislative action on the issue. If New York does not recognize the marriage as valid, a New York same sex divorce may no longer be an option. Given this you,... More

The Huffington Post reported on a sad and frightening phenomenon- elderly couples forced to divorce to obtain relief from medical bills and to qualify for social security benefits. The article details the plight of Mary McCurnin and her husband Ron Bednar. In 2003, the couple declared bankruptcy after their insurance covered only 10 percent of the treatment costs for her breast cancer and his intestinal bleeding. In 2004, McCurnin's breast cancer returned, and Bednar underwent open heart surgery. The couple is broke and unemployed. Mary, however, was previously married. Her first husband pre-deceased her and, but for the fact that... More

In the past, many matrimonial actions got off to a particularly acrimonious start because one spouse was fearful that the other would transfer and hide assets, cancel insurance and run up debts as soon as they received notice of the divorce. As a result, one party had to go to the expense of making a motion to obtain an injunction preventing to the other spouse from acting financially irresponsibly. Next week, a new law is goes into effect next month which makes the motion unnecessary. The law automatically enjoins parties from transferring property, relocating children, secreting assets, canceling insurance or... More

Two years ago, Domestic Relations Law 177 was enacted, requiring parties to acknowledge their awareness that following the divorce they would no longer be eligible for medical insurance through their spouse on the basis of their marriage. Recently, the laws governing equitable distribution were amended to require courts to consider the loss of medical insurance as a factor in awarding maintenance and distributing the marital property. Unanticipated problems arose from the implementation of Domestic Relations Law 177 particularly because the statute mandated that all settlement or separation agreements, whenever executed,  contain specific language intended to insure that the parties were... More

With training camps open and the pre-season about to begin, the Times reports that  60 to 80% of NFL players’ marriages will end in divorce. This statistic is really not all that surprising. Football players, at least during their playing careers, like other athletes and celebrities, enjoy a fantasy-like life of privilege and temptation. The players, often drafted right out of college, are showered with attention, adoration, and big money contracts. They simply may not be prepared to make “life” decisions, including marriage. New York Jet James Dearth explains: What football players go through in their careers can affect their... More

In the present political climate, health care and medical insurance coverage are hot button topics. But, for those going through divorce, medical coverage has long been a fertile topic for consideration. It was for this very reason that a law was enacted two  years ago (and discussed here)  requiring parties to a divorce to acknowledge that following the entry of divorce that they would no longer be eligible to a continuation of medical benefits derived solely by virtue of their marriage. I suppose too many people were caught off guard without medical coverage following a divorce. Effective September 21, 2009,... More

Not surprisingly, marriage been shown to have positive health benefits, while a divorce or the death of a spouse has a negative impact on health. A recent study has shown that: Middle-aged and older Americans who were currently married tended to give higher ratings to their health than their never-married counterparts. They also reported fewer depression symptoms and limits on their mobility. On the other hand, divorced or widowed adults fared worse than the never married on certain health measures -- including the number of chronic health conditions reported. "Previously married people experience, on average, 20 percent more conditions and... More

In the middle of preparing for a complicated custody trial, I was contacted by Smart Money to discuss the divorce considerations of Jon and Kate. (I may have been the only person in America not to know who they are – fortunately, my wife filled me in.) The article, in which I am extensively quoted, addresses many of the issues to be considered when contemplating divorce. The complexity of the issues is compounded exponentially because of the sheer size of Jon and Kate’s family. Indeed, the child support calculation is simply “off the charts” as the child support guidelines do... More

Remember the YouTube spectacle of Tricia Walsh Smith who publicly humiliated her husband and, ultimately, herself. In the age of social networking, new rules of apply to couples going through divorce. The rules, as compiled by Time, can succinctly be boiled to one- “Discretion is the better of valor.” 1. Don’t brag. Your claims of poverty will ring hollow if you brag on Facebook about your purchases of expensive items or post photographs of lavish vacations. 2. Keep the party off-line Sure you may want to let off some steam, but if you are engaged in a custody fight, the... More