Parents of Twins More Likely to Divorce

Posted by Daniel Clement on March 26, 2010

Parents with twins are more likely to end up divorced, broke and out of work. Married couples were 17 per cent more likely to divorce if they had twins or triplets rather than several children with gaps in between according to a study conducted by the University of Birmingham in the United Kingdom, commissioned by Tamba, the Twins and Multiple Births Association,.

The high costs of having multiple children seems to be one of the main causes for the large number of divorces. Two thirds of multiple-birth families said that they were significantly worse off after their babies were born, compared with 40 per cent of other parents. Nine months after giving birth, mothers of twins and triplets were 20 per cent less likely to have returned to work than mothers of single babies, the cost of childcare being largely to blame, the researchers said.

The proportion of multiple births has soared as a result of in vitro fertilization and women giving birth when they are older, according to the research. One in 65 births now results in twins or triplets compared with one in 100 in 1970.

In this regard, the results of the study are surprising; the parents of multiple birth children are older and more established.   Apparently, the advantages of maturity and being established in a career fall by the wayside as a result of the demands of having multiple children.


Perhaps the comment of a mother of twins on the BaristaKids website puts in perspective the high divorce rate among multiple birth parents:

I can tell you that I am not at all surprised at the findings of the UK study. Becoming parents to twins threw my husband and I for the biggest loop of our lives. We took the stress and lack of sleep out on each other and it nearly broke us. Therapy helps a lot. So does spending money on date nights, even when you're broke and too exhausted to go out.
 

Girlfriend of Married Man Pays for Alienation of Affection

Posted by Daniel Clement on March 25, 2010

“A spurned wife in North Carolina has made her husband’s mistress pay for ruining their marriage — literally — by suing her successfully for $9 million.”

In most states, including New York, the adulterous lovers of married people are safe; they can not be sued for alienation of affection. The cause of action has been abolished in all but a handful of states: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah.

The New York Civil Rights Law provides that:

The rights of action to recover sums of money as damages for alienation of
affections, criminal conversation, seduction, or breach of contract to
marry are abolished.

In the North Carolina case, according to the TimesOnline, a jury awarded Cynthia Shackelford five million dollars in compensatory damages and four million dollars in punitive damages against Anne Lundquist, whom she accused of deliberately seducing her husband
 

New York Courts Have Jurisdiction To Dissolve Civil Unions

Posted by Daniel Clement on March 22, 2010

A New York court has jurisdiction to hear an action to dissolve a civil union validly entered into outside of this state and to equitably distribute the property acquired during the civil union.

New York courts have recognized and been increasingly accepting of the rights of same sex couples. New York will, for instance recognize, as valid, an out-of-state same-sex marriage even though the marriage could not have been solemnized in New York.

In Dickerson v. Thompson, the parties traveled to Vermont and entered into a civil union. Both parties were residents of New York throughout their relationship; neither party ever resided in Vermont. After the parties' relationship began to deteriorate, the plaintiff sought to dissolve the civil union in New York. (The civil union could not be dissolved in Vermont because neither party was a resident for a year prior to the commencement of the action.)

The Appellate Division, Third Department, noted that although the New York court has jurisdiction to entertain the action to dissolve the civil union, it left open the issue “to what extent relief may ultimately be afforded to the parties.”
 

Financial Fights That Cause Divorce

Posted by Daniel Clement on March 16, 2010


When all is said and done, aside from child custody, the biggest issues in divorce are about money. Indeed, money is often the root cause of divorce.  If money concerns are not the reason for a divorce, they may be symptomatic of deeper marital problems.

According to the Street, the types of financial fights that lead to divorce can easily be classified.

1. Paycheck envy
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, one in three married women out-earns her husband. That amount expands to more than half if they earn $55,000 or more. This phenomenon, it is said, may put stress on a marriage as it challenges the “traditional” male role as the “breadwinner.”

2. Debts
Couples who argue about finances on a weekly basis have a greater probability of divorcing than those who do not. Large debts may be indicative of illiquidity and the absence of an economic safety net. The absence of security provides more reason to fight.

3. Different money styles.
We have all heard about the struggles between the tight wad and the spend thrift; one spouse cannot part with a dime and ages bills to maximize the float whereas the other cannot leave a store empty handed. This difference is style may cause conflict which could jeopardize the marriage. Of course, this is an extreme example- but it illustrates the point that individual, though part of a couple, will manage money differently

4. Lifestyle Expectations
Obviously, financial constraints will define where and how the couple will live. Will they own or rent a home? Will they live in Westchester, Manhattan or Queens? Will they live in a home they easily can afford or will they stretch for something slightly above their combined means? Will they drive a new car or an older used one? If the couple is not one the same page, resentment will arise, challenging the marriage.

5. Hidden Money.
Money hidden from a spouse may be symptomatic of lack of trust or infidelity.

The theory of divorce law is that marriage is an economic partnership. It the marriage functions as a true partnership both parties are actively engaged in making marital financial decisions. Conflict can be mitigated if the parties are both aware of their financial styles and expectations and are willing to accommodate those of the other.

 

Tips for Dealing with Divorce Related Depression

Posted by Daniel Clement on March 10, 2010

While going through a divorce,  it is natural to feel isolated, depressed and stressed out. Therese Borchard on Beliefnet offers several tips to lessen the effects of divorce related depression.

  • Find a diversion and lose yourself in it. Whether it be reading, knitting, swimming or some other activity- keep your mind occupied and stop ruminating about your divorce.
  • Get out of your routine. Put yourself in a situation, outside of your comfort zone, where you have to interact with people.
  • Make plans. Put your self on a schedule and stick to it.
  • Clean out and organize. Part with the needless “stuff” that you accumulated during your marriage and serves as an anchor to your past married life.
  • Preserve energy. Don’t overload your schedule.
  • Take the high road in your divorce. Avoid the need to get in the last word in. It is often better to be happy or at peace with your self, than to be right.
  • Find a support network. Replace the support you sought from your spouse with friends, family or a support group with whom you can discuss your divorce related issues.
  • Remember, you are not a failure.
  • Share the wisdom and insights you gained from your divorce experience with others, but ignore unsolicited and uninformed advice.
  • Don’t rush the process. As with the death of a family member, you will experience, denial, anger, grief, and acceptance. Society has a mechanism for dealing with death (funerals, condolence calls, etc.) - there is no societal ritual for divorce.

The adage is time heals all wounds, but time spent alone will leave you spiteful, depressed and angry.