Some Parents Are Unfit To Be Alone With Their Children

I am a firm believer that children should be able to enjoy a relationship with both parents. But, every once in awhile there is a case that leads me to believe that some children should never be allowed to be near their parents in an unsupervised setting.

This story, which appeared in the New York Times about an ex Minnesota Viking Darrion Scott is one such case.

The former Vikings defensive lineman Darrion Scott was charged with assault and accused of holding a plastic dry-cleaning bag over the head of his 2-year-old son. Scott, 26, was charged with third-degree assault and domestic assault by strangulation, both felonies. According to the complaint, the boy’s mother said Scott said he was playing with the child and wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head himself.


The first time I read the father’s defense I was certain I had mis-read it. Scott's  inane defense was that  he was playing with the child and wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head himself.

What was he thinking?

Most normal parents shudder at the mere thought of their child with a plastic bag over their head. This father actually admitted to putting a bag over his son’s head. I cannot fathom how this father should ever be permitted to be with his son or any other child in an unsupervised setting.

Mildred Loving Dies; Challenged Law Barring Inter-Racial Marriage

Mildred Loving,, who successfully challenged Virginia’s law that barred inter-racial marriage died this week. In the landmark case Loving v. Virginia, the United States Supreme Court unanimously struck down Virginia’s miscegenation law as it violated the equal protection clause of the Constitution.

Mrs. Loving’s obituary in the New York Times presents a haunting account of her case, her life and the cruel effects of the miscegenation laws:

By their own widely reported accounts, Mrs. Loving and her husband, Richard, were in bed in their modest house in Central Point in the early morning of July 11, 1958, five weeks after their wedding, when the county sheriff and two deputies, acting on an anonymous tip, burst into their bedroom and shined flashlights in their eyes. A threatening voice demanded, “Who is this woman you’re sleeping with?”

Mrs. Loving answered, “I’m his wife.”

Mr. Loving pointed to the couple’s marriage certificate hung on the bedroom wall. The sheriff responded, “That’s no good here.”
The certificate was from Washington, D.C., and under Virginia law, a marriage between people of different races performed outside Virginia was as invalid as one done in Virginia. At the time, it was one of 16 states that barred marriages between races.

After Mr. Loving spent a night in jail and his wife several more, the couple pleaded guilty to violating the Virginia law, the Racial Integrity Act. Under a plea bargain, their one-year prison sentences were suspended on the condition that they leave Virginia and not return together or at the same time for 25 years.

Judge Leon M. Bazile, in language Chief Justice Warren would recall, said that if God had meant for whites and blacks to mix, he would have not placed them on different continents. Judge Bazile reminded the defendants that “as long as you live you will be known as a felon.”

They paid court fees of $36.29 each, moved to Washington and had three children. They returned home occasionally, never together. But times were tough financially, and the Lovings missed family, friends and their easy country lifestyle in the rolling Virginia hills.

By 1963, Mrs. Loving could stand the ostracism no longer. Inspired by the civil rights movement and its march on Washington, she wrote Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy and asked for help. He wrote her back, and referred her to the American Civil Liberties Union.

The A.C.L.U. took the case. Its lawyers, Bernard S. Cohen and Philip J. Hirschkop, faced an immediate problem: the Lovings had pleaded guilty and had no right to appeal. So they asked Judge Bazile to set aside his original verdict. When he refused, they appealed. The Virginia Supreme Court of Appeals upheld the lower court, and the case went to the United States Supreme Court.

Mr. Cohen recounted telling Mr. Loving about various legal theories applying to the case. Mr. Loving replied, “Mr. Cohen, tell the court I love my wife, and it is just unfair that I can’t live with her in Virginia.”

Mildred Delores Jeter’s family had lived in Caroline County, Va., for generations, as had the family of Richard Perry Loving. The area was known for friendly relations between races, even though marriages were forbidden. Many people were visibly of mixed race, with Ebony magazine reporting in 1967 that black “youngsters easily passed for white in neighboring towns.”

Mildred’s mother was part Rappahannock Indian, and her father was part Cherokee. She preferred to think of herself as Indian rather than black.

Mildred and Richard began spending time together when he was a rugged-looking 17 and she was a skinny 11-year-old known as Bean. He attended an all-white high school for a year, and she reached 11th grade at an all-black school.

When Mildred became pregnant at 18, they decided to do what was elsewhere deemed the right thing and get married. They both said their initial motive was not to challenge Virginia law.

“We have thought about other people,” Mr. Loving said in an interview with Life magazine in 1966, “but we are not doing it just because somebody had to do it and we wanted to be the ones. We are doing it for us.”

In his classic study of segregation, “An American Dilemma,” Gunnar Myrdal wrote that “the whole system of segregation and discrimination is designed to prevent eventual inbreeding of the races.”

But miscegenation laws struck deeper than other segregation acts, and the theory behind them leads to chaos in other facets of law. This is because they make any affected marriage void from its inception. Thus, all children are illegitimate; spouses have no inheritance rights; and heirs cannot receive death benefits.

“When any society says that I cannot marry a certain person, that society has cut off a segment of my freedom,” the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said in 1958.

Virginia’s law had been on the books since 1662, adopted a year after Maryland enacted the first such statute. At one time or another, 38 states had miscegenation laws. State and federal courts consistently upheld the prohibitions, until 1948, when the California Supreme Court overturned California’s law.

Though the Supreme Court’s 1967 decision in the Loving case struck down miscegenation laws, Southern states were sometimes slow to change their constitutions; Alabama became the last state to do so, in 2000.


Mom's Allergy to Dad's Cat Does Not Prevent Visitation in Dad's Home


Imagine a mother seeking to prevent children of the marriage from having visitation with their father in his home simply because he has a cat, particularly when there was no claim that the cat was vicious or endangered the children.

In Mandel v. Mandel, decided by a Nassau County court last week, a mother claimed that the children’s exposure to the cat in their father’s home posed a serious health risk to her and, as result, sought to limit the father’s visitation.

In the case, the mother claimed that she had to be hospitalized because she had severe allergic reaction to the cat. The father testified that, in order to protect the mother from exposure to the cat, the children would change their clothes either at the father’s home before returning to the mother’s home or immediately after returning to the mother’s home in her garage. The father also testified that the children were exposed to other dogs and cats in the homes of their friends.

The Court found that there was no precedent for excluding the children from the father’s home because the cat presented no risk to the children. The Court urged the children to continue take reasonable precautions to limit the mother’s exposure to the cat following the visitation their father.

I suspect that there was really something more going on in the case then whether the children should be around the father’s cat. In its decision, the court alluded to the fact, that the cat did not become an issue to the mother’s health until the father stopped paying the mortgage on the former marital residence now occupied mother and children.

But, like my mom always said, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Because the father may have done something that the mother did not like, the mother had the knee jerk reaction of attempting to restrict the father’s access to the children to gain some advantage.

What should give the mother some concern is that this decision is an interim decision and there will soon be a trial. If the court felt that this mother was using the issue of the cat and visitation to obtain advantage over the father, the mother’s strategy will have backfired. If, for instance, as a result of this application, the court felt the mother and was manipulative or lacked credibility, the result, at trial, could be devastating.

Hopefully, an amicable settlement is imminent.

Marital Home Sales: When the Mortgages and Debts Exceed the Selling Price

As part of a divorce, the marital home is generally sold. But, in view of the slow down in the home sales market, it is possible that the proceeds from the sale of a home may be insufficient to fully pay off the mortgages on the property.

In a prior post, I explored the option of retaining possession of the martial home to avoid selling at a loss. For some, this is simply not an option and the home must be sold. Most couples cannot or simply do not want to continue living together after a divorce. Many cannot afford to maintain the marital home on their own.

The New Jersey Law Blog offers great insight in dealing with the situation  when the sales price martial home is insufficient to satisfy the mortgage.

If the homeowner is unable to obtain a sales price which enables him to pay off all loans and closing costs, and he does not have the funds to make up the difference, then he may want to try to obtain approval from his current lender(s) to accept an amount less than the full amount due on its mortgage. For a lender, this may be acceptable to obtain repayment of a substantial amount of its loan and to avoid the costs and delay of foreclosing on the loan. This will generally mean that the Seller will not receive any funds from the sale of his home.

In order to obtain such approval from a lender - which may or may not be granted - the homeowner needs to contact his lender(s) to determine what information they will need to make their decision. This usually includes a financial statement of the homeowner, copy of a contract of sale, appraisal, and other pertinent documents. Generally, a lender will not consider approving a short sale without a clear economic hardship on the part of the homeowner and an existing default or pending foreclosure.

Until recently, forgiveness of a debt under these circumstances, could trigger a taxable event according to the IRS. This means that if a lender forgave a part of the mortgage debt by accepting a reduced amount in full satisfaction of the loan, then the amount forgiven could be deemed taxable income to the homeowner. This was so even though the homeowner received nothing from the sale. However, in December 2007 Congress passed the Mortgage Forgiveness Debt Relief Act of 2007. This Act amends the Internal Revenue Code to exclude from gross income amounts attributed to a discharge of indebtedness incurred to acquire a homeowner’s principle residence. The amount of the debt forgiveness can be up to $2.0 million. Thus, a homeowner is now able to sell his home for less than what is owed on it without incurring an additional tax liability. This exemption for forgiven debt, however, is only temporary and expires within three years.

When a Party to Divorce Blogs . . . .

Following up on yesterday’s post about disgruntled spouses airing their dirty laundry on the internet, the front page of the New York Times featured the article When the Ex Blogs, the Dirtiest Laundry Is Aired.

According to the article, it is now fairly common to write a blog about your divorce.

It is impossible to say just how many people are blogging about divorce, but the percentage of Internet users with personal blogs has quadrupled in five years, according to Pew. Mary Madden, a senior researcher with the Pew Project who specializes in online relationships, said that in emotionally charged times, some people go to the Web.

Since one person’s truth may be shaded by hurt, anger, betrayal or just a desire to seek revenge, it is no shock that some aggrieved spouses have gone to court to stop the publication of the blogs.
Absent a confidentiality clause or other provision limiting the right to discuss the divorce or marriage, the blogger may enjoy a first amendment freedom of speech.

But, as one court recently pointed out, While Laurie’s statements may be covered by the First Amendment, they were “ill-advised and do not promote co-parenting.”

I suspect there would be little dispute, particularly when there are children, that parties should not post information about their spouses’ personal failings and short-comings on the internet where the writings can easily be found.   While writing all the your thoughts and feeling may be therapeutic, maybe all the thoughts should be contained in, to quote the Moody Blues, “letters are written, never meaning to send.”

Details of Divorce in You Tube Video

Discretion, being the better part of valor, it is seldom a good idea for a party to a divorce, to publicize the gory details of their case. But one ill-advised wife went even further;   she made  a You Tube video so she could air her dirty laundry.



In her video, Tricia Walsh Smith discuss her sex life (or absence of) with her husband, her husband’s stash of porn, condoms and Viagra, her relationship with her step-children and the terms of her pre-nuptial agreement.

As pointed out in the Legal Blog Watch:

A number of divorce lawyers interviewed for an Associated Press story criticized Walsh-Smith's tactics.  Attorney Bonnie Rabin commented that You Tube videos "bring the concept of humiliation to a whole new level."   Moreover, videos can ultimately hurt litigants -- a judge might question a party's judgment in posting a video and hold it against him in ruling on the case.  And there's always the possibility of a defamation action if the video rants include intentionally false information.

Walsh-Smith is now represented by famed divorce attorney Raoul Felder -- though she wasn't his client when she made the video.  Felder told AP that he thought his client "comes off well."  However, the majority of commenters on the video disagree; many labeled Walsh-Smith a "gold digger," with one even comparing her to another Brit involved in a contentious divorce: Heather Mills.

This video is simply an awful idea. It should not be emulated.   Despite Ms. Walsh’s attempt to portray herself has a naïve spouse, rejected by her husband, she comes across as shrew, mean and vindictive. 

The video is intended only to embarrass and humiliate her husband. It can also be viewed as a not so veiled threat as to what may follow if her husband does not capitulate to her demands.   Either way this type of conduct is reprehensible.

If this type of public broadcast of martial differences ever caught on, I would expect it to be negatively considered in decisions awarding equitable distribution, maintenance and, most certainly, child custody.

Husband Required to Pay Child Support for Artificially Inseminated Child

On appeal, a court ruled that a husband can be deemed the legal parent of a child born to his wife, where the child was conceived as a result of artificial insemination during the marriage, but where the husband's consent to the artificial insemination was not obtained in writing.

Domestic Relations Law § 73  provides that:

Any child born to a married woman by means of artificial insemination performed by persons duly authorized to practice medicine and with the consent in writing of the woman and her husband, shall be deemed the legitimate, natural child of the husband and his wife for all purposes. . . . The aforesaid written consent shall be executed and acknowledged by both the husband and wife and the physician who performs the technique shall certify that he [or she] had rendered the service.


The problem in Laura Ww. v Peter Ww was that the husband never signed the consent. In fact, shortly after the wife was artificially inseminated, the parties separated. At the time they separated, parties agreed, in writing, that the husband would not be responsible for paying child support the artificially inseminated child.

The Court declared the separation agreement unenforceable.

Indeed, the agreement left the child fatherless without any hearing or analysis of the child's rights and interests. Given that "the needs of a child must take precedence over the terms of the agreement when it appears that the best interests of the child are not being met," we agree that the parties' agreement which preceded any determination of legal paternity to leave the child without the husband's support cannot stand

The Court relied on New York’s strong presumption that a child born to a marriage is the legitimate child of both parents. In addition the court announced that it would “follow the lead of other jurisdictions that impose a rebuttable presumption of consent by the husband of a woman who conceives by[artificial insemination, shifting the burden to the husband to rebut the presumption by clear and convincing evidence."

In addition, the court stated that the doctrine of equitable estoppel also precluded the husband from "seeking to disclaim paternity of the parties' child, whose best interest is paramount."

The Recession, The Housing Crisis and Divorce

They started to the fight
When the money got tight
. . .
                Billy Joel, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

With all the talk about recession and the fall-out from the sub-prime mortgage crisis, it is no surprise the telephones in most divorce lawyers’ offices are ringing off the hook. I have even noticed that the numbers of readers of this blog has dramatically increased in the last several months.

Jeffrey Lalloway in the California Divorce and Family Law blog notes:

The sharp downturn in the market is taking a similarly painful toll on couples who are breaking up. But now it's not that they can't afford their next home, but that they can't get rid of the old one. . .

"The housing market is having a major impact on divorce cases," said Stephen Ruben, a certified family law specialist in San Francisco. "If a house doesn't sell, it has a major impact on cash flow for child support, on where people live, on future taxes.


In the midst of the housing boom, when a couple divorced, the marital home was sold and the parties could simply cash out. The dispute was oft motivated by greed; each of the parties would argue to maximize his/her interest in the marital home and the size of his/her profit.

In the present economic environment, the marital home may still be sold, but if there is insufficient equity, the parties may be fighting how the loss will be split. As a result, instead of taking a profit at closing, the parties may argue about who will pay to cover the mortgage short-fall.

Mr. Lalloway notes that some couples, rather than taking the loss on the sale of the home, are forced to continue to live together until they can afford to sell the property. In other cases, one party gets the right to remain in the home.

Both scenarios trigger other considerations.   Parties forced to continue to live together, simply are denied the ability to get on with their post divorce lives. How possibly could you move on if your spouse is sleeping in the adjoining room?


Even if only spouse remains in the home, post divorce- the parties have to address:

  • What will trigger the sale of the home?
  • Who pays the mortgage?
  • Does paying the mortgage increase the payer's equity?
  • Who gets the mortgage interest deduction?
  • Who is responsible for the maintenance and repair of the marital home?

To paraphrase another song, breaking up just got harder to do.

New York Courts Continue Trend: Same Sex Marriage Recognized

A second appellate court went out of its way to implicitly recognize the legitimacy of same sex marriage in New York.

I previously discussed the case of Funderburke v. State of New York in which the claim of an employee of the Uniondale school district who sought health benefits for his same-sex partner was dismissed. The basis of the dismissal was that New York, at the time, did not recognize same sex marriage. The parties were validly married in Canada.

Since that time, as I have posted, New York courts began to recognize the validity of same sex marriages. In addition, the state has changed its position “regarding recognition of foreign same-sex marriages. The DCS now requires public employers within its jurisdiction to provide full spousal benefits to same-sex couples validly married in another jurisdiction, and requires all members of its health insurance program, including the District, to provide such benefits.”

Since there was no longer a dispute as to the validity of the marriage or the same sex partner’s right to health benefits, the appeal was moot. Nevertheless, the Appellate Division vacated the lower court’s order so as it prevent it “from spawning any legal consequences or precedent."

In doing so, the Appellate Court, went out of its way to remove any obstacles to the continued recognition of same sex marriages in New York. Thus far, two of the four Appellate Divisions have recognized same sex marriage

Hidden Assets in Divorce: A Revealing Look

A recent study discovered that 20% of divorcing couples tried to conceal assets or income from the spouse.

As reported in the Telegraph:

The study - by the accounting firm Grant Thornton, which surveyed 100 family lawyers - found that husbands were much more dishonest when a marriage crumbled.

In cases where assets had been hidden, 88 per cent involved men concealing wealth from their wives. Just two per cent involved women hiding assets. In the remainder of cases, both partners tried to conceal wealth from one another. . . .

"Men are seeing these huge settlements and they are terrified," she said. "If they think a marriage might break down, more and more men are panicking and trying to put their capital into trusts and offshore accounts or buy assets in a third party's name so that they are hidden from their wives.”

As a result of this trend, finding hidden assets as part is a divorce has become an important aspect of many divorce cases. 

And now for the shameless plug - I will be chairing a program aptly titled, Finding Hidden Assets- What Every Divorce Bankruptcy & Commercial Litigator Needs to Know at New York City Bar on April 24, 2008.

The distinguished facility of this program includes:

 It looks to be an eye-opening discussion about uncovering hidden assets.